TRANSFORMATION

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

Lao Tzu 

Tao teaches us that Life is constantly renewed yet is ever the same.  All things, positive and negative, must end, and out of that ending comes new growth.

Ever mindful of this looming change, I began preparing this final blog entry some months ago.

On December 1st, 2014, I said goodbye to my life in the classroom.  Five years ago, I briefly considered the question, "If today were the day you had to stop teaching ..." and my response was simple, plain and wrenchingly heartfelt.

But on December 1st, as my IASC 2F00 students fêted me with cake and a gift set of wine, I knew that it would not be as difficult as I once thought to walk away.  And walk away I did.

It was an odd last day.  I did not sleep well the night before, because the finality of closing the door on a 35-year career the following day at 11:00 a.m. was monumental.  Of course, I told myself, it is not really retirement ...yet ...I was going into a 6-month administrative leave that I had deferred, I was still employed, I still had my identity as "Professor Joe."

But as I looked out onto the faces of that class, each one smiling, brimming with optimism and anticipation of a future, each one confident, I knew that they were better prepared than many university students to face a cynical, hard world.  I knew that I had made a small contribution to that preparation. And I was turning their care over to a young, accomplished colleague in whom I had confidence.

A former student and friend from several years ago walked through the door with her husband, a faculty colleague, and the celebration was on.

90 minutes later ... and I left the classroom for the very last time.  I shall never return as a teacher.  My work is done.

Christmas intervened, with all of the bustle and activities that holiday entails.  January brought the responsibility of my admin leave project with it, so I focused on that, while reveling in the luxury of afternoon naps.

Jill, my friend and collaborator in things pedagogical (and now the Director of the Centre for Pedagogical Innovation) had invited me in the Fall to offer The Last Lecture the following April.  We had established this tradition two years earlier when two of our 3M Fellows were retiring and now it was my turn to speak.

As I reflected on 35 years of teaching, I came upon the theme of Transformation and what it meant to me and my students.  The words and structure simply flowed; I mind-mapped the talk before writing and both processes were almost automatic as the talk took shape in outline form, then in discursive prose. 

There was a surprise in store for me after I had delivered The Last Lecture this past April 28.  My husband and the CPI had arranged a retirement "ambush" for me and I learned about it as I was taking my seat after my talk.  Former students took time out of their work day to attend  Two current students showed up, which I found very touching.  Many colleagues attended.  Staff popped in.  The kind and generous words of everyone at the event were overwhelming, and it was hard for me to connect these comments to me and to what I have always thought of as my minimal impact.

My work at the university, in the classroom is now over.  My words no longer have an audience.

As I have done with all of my students, past and present, I now ask myself the Big Question:

So Barry, you have completed a 35-year career at Brock University ... So What?  What does it mean?

I will let you all know ...

Farewell.